CAT
In ancient Egypt, cats were worshipped as gods; in the modern era, they have not forgotten this. A cat's daily routine consists of sleeping 16 hours a day, demanding snacks with a single, unblinking stare, and then zooming around the house at 3 a.m. for no reason at all. They believe all flat surfaces, from kitchen counters to a human's chest, exist purely for their napping pleasure, and a brand-new, expensive cat bed is nothing more than an insult to their cardboard-box sensibilities.
DOG
It's a wonder dogs can hold a serious thought, what with their unwavering obsession for squirrels and the urgent need to sniff every single lamppost. A dog's loyalty is matched only by its ability to roll around on a freshly mopped floor just to make a point. They live by a simple code: if you can't eat it, play with it, or pee on it, just move along.